OMG, I FOUND MORE LOVE LETTERS

So - I'm not even sure where I found these letters - they were sort of.....just there, in a plastic bag, in my hand.  I guess I was digging away at something in the attic - it's really bizarre that I truly can't remember where they were when I "discovered" them.  NO!  I did not remember that I had any letters from Andre - and surely not so many of them.

The previous blog entries I wrote were about a stack of  letters I found in my attic that were from a guy I hardly remembered.  This is waaay different:

I found 48 letters (a few were post cards & birthday cards) from Andre Trepanier.  The letters were dated from Feb, 1958 to June, 1962. (we're talking 7cent air mail stamps) There were also about 5 letters from me to him...looks like rough drafts of letters that I sent. 

Andre was my 1st love.  Big Time.  I was 13 & he was 19 when we met.  Yes indeed, my father would eventually want to lock me up in the basement.  I met him in the "Old Village".  I believe he truly swept me off my feet the first time I laid eyes on him. "Breathtaking" is a fitting expression.  Even though I believe he had a girlfriend then, there was no turning back from that point on.

Andre was French Canadian, had been living in Waterbury, Ct.  He was in Great Neck with his twin brother, Bobby & their friend, Dizzy.  (Boy, was he ever dizzy - one scary, ugly dude).  They came to GN in March of 1956 to look for work, hearing there was good Summer money to be made in landscaping here.

(I have to write this slowly, as it is truly boggling my mind)....more to come

I call this photo "the baseball game".  Funny, I was recently talking to someone about this scene - & here it is.  Good memories.

Looking at the photo, my father, Phil is on the left in front, next to him is cousin Jack Ratchick, married to My mother's cousin, Ida. Across from him, on the right, in back is uncle Irving (Goldstein) My mothers younger brother- next to him is uncle Al (Hantman), married to my mother's sister, Lilly. 

I think this photo is so funny.  This was the men having a great time???  They were sitting around the kitchen table at Lilly & Al's house, smoking, drinking something - perhaps a little schnops, & listening to the baseball game.  We - the kids & women were prob sitting around the dining room table, which was just a few steps away.  We could have been in the living room, but I don't remember being in there very often. 

We always had great food.  We ate before the meal - God forbid you should be too hungry to wait, then of course an abundant meal.  I'm thinking pot roast & all the trimmings, then coffee & dessert - perhaps aunt Lilly's mondel bread, her outrageous sour cream cake, some danish, coffee cake, fruit, etc.  I remember her making her own egg noodles.  I can see her cutting the dough into tiny slices - I was in awe at how she moved the huge knife so quickly & never cut herself. 

Their apt was on the 2nd floor of a brownstone (prob valued over a million dollars these days) and a few blocks away there was actually a dairy farm.  When the wind was in the right direction, one could smell the cows, which I liked because it reminded me of being in the country.

We used to visit relatives almost every weekend - that's just what the family did. I loved being at my aunt Lilly's - she used to let me go through the drawers of her dining room furniture where she had miniature tea sets & tiny dishes that I loved to play with.  I still have a tiny set with a brass tray, candlesticks, etc that she gave me.

BYE-BYE OLD PORCELAIN SINK

Another memory-packed item out the door.  I sold my old porcelain kitchen sink on Craigs List for $50.  I listed it for $65.  I must have posted it at least 4 or 5 times.  Keep showing what you've got, & someone is bound to want it.

The sink has been sitting in the side yard, visible from the kitchen window for years.  It's been there since the old pipes gave out & the plumber I hired was too lazy, or just didn't care to restore it.  He preferred to replace it with new, stainless steel.  I've been using it as a funky planter.

I was sad when the buyers took it away yesterday.  I didn't want to let it go......I hardly want to let anything go.  The guy buying it explained that he was building a country house upstate in the woods & thought this sink would be perfect.  Why wouldn't it?

I have memories (of course) of this sink.  It was here when my parents bought the house.  It was placed upon home built cabinets. It had two front graceful porcelain legs that were left visible on the sides of the cabinet.  I washed the dishes while my brother, Mike would dry, we would argue. This is the sink I bathed my kids in.  Barrett used to stand on a chair & play with her toys in a sinkful of bubbles - splashing, spilling & having a great time.  Lucy got her baths in this sink.  Bazillions of meals were prepared around this sink....by my mother, me, my kids.

Today I'm really sad.  The actual move - leaving this house & my life as I know it is inevitably close & "a never to return reality".  If not for money - I would keep this house & move to Asheville.

THE SHED

Today I had the urge to investigate/clean out the shed.  Well, I barely scratched the surface.  Three trips to the curb with discards & much, too much left to take...to toss?  Time & Ben's valued opinion will help to make that decision.

There are many tools, some, I'm sure that date back  to my parents ownership of this house.  There are many flowerpots....always handy to have about.  I've got many old aluminum pots that were my motheres - I drilled holes in the bottoms & used them as funky flower pots.  I used to line the walk with them.... doubled handled soup pots of varied sizes, tea kettles, collenders..... all planted prettily with colorful flowers.  Very often people stopped me to tell me that walking past my house caused them to smile.  That's a good thing. 

I can envision some of the pots on my High Vista decks.  I've seen beautiful, huge, glazed, colorful & expensive ceremic flower pots in the stores & garden centers.  I would love to have some of them & prob will get some.  To start, my mom's soup pots will add some funky flavor to my decks just as her soups added healthy flavor to all who were fortunate enough to eat at her table.

I'v got a white wrought iron bicycle basket in the shed.  I've been holding on to it for years.  I had an idea (prob saw a photo in some magazine) to use it on an old bike that I wished to paint white.  It's the kind of baskets that would have been attached to the back fender of the old-fashioned, fat tired Schwinns. One basket on either side of the wheel. I wanted to fill the baskets with flowing flowers & use all as a big flower display.  I am now hoping that it can be attached to the deck railing.  Well, with me it will go. 

I wish I were in my new house in NC (who said that?)  to start my garden.  A neighbor emailed to invite me to a High Vista Edible Garden Club.  Yes!  I am getting emotionally closer each day.  I definitely have felt a shift from the time I signed that contract.  I look at the house & the rooms differently.  I feel they are already less mine.  I am feeling a bit more detached little by little.  It is clear that the time it is taking is the time I need it to take.

Signed the Contract

I  signed the contract for the sale of my house yesterday!!!!!!  I actually doubted that it would ever happen.

 

I thought I was fine.  I was acutely aware of how I was feeling during the process.  It was surreal.  I didn't actually feel very much - even went out for a bite to eat with Randy afterwards.

 

HOWEVER - I awoke at 3:30 am from the worst NIGHTMARES.  They were so vivid.  I don't often remember my dreams & I was wishing I could forget these.  They were like nightmares right out of "Where the Wild Things Are" -  with actual growling, drooling MONSTERS with gnashing teeth.....lots of running, chasing, FEARS, DANGER, etc.  UGH, I can still visualize them.  I finally went back to sleep about 5:30.  If I could draw, I would include a picture....would like to get it out of my head & onto paper.

 

So, my dear Dr. Freuds, what does all that mean?

 

I signed the contract to sell my house

This evening at approx 5 pm, I signed the contract to sell my house.  Amazingly, I feel ok.  Perhaps I'm in shock that I actually did it.  What tension - about 8 years of indicision leading up to that moment. 

Speaking with Ben yesterday helped a lot.  I was telling him that my friend, Carla saw photos of the house & thought it was absolutely fabulous.  Thought I had a professional stage it.  I was feeling it was hard to leave it when someone else saw it as so desirable.

Ben reminded me that the house was indeed a very special, loving space.....but just walk outside & you're in a toxic mine field - & that is a major reason that I'm leaving.  Ok, I guess I'll go.  On to the next steps.